Dialogging my questions about “healing” with the Lord


How is it that some things that seem so black and white in scripture can be so ungraspable and confusing in my first-hand reality?  One such thing being “healing”.  I have developed so many questions about it from “why didn’t they get healed” to “how come it takes so long to see healing after its been promised” to “how do some people minister healing and see it right away?”  Sometimes in scriptures Jesus addressed the sickness itself, and sometimes he cast out demons, and the result was wellness.
Healing seems so vague and ambiguous at times, and yet there is this determination inside myself to understand it so that I can be a vessel of healing on this earth.  So, who better to ask than the Lord himself? I sit down with bible, pen and notebook and start in with my questions, carrying Jeremiah 33:3 as my guarantee that I’ll get some answers.  “Call to me and I will answer you and show you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”  So I begin to call.  And he begins to direct my thoughts.
I think about how many times when its in my heart to contend for healing in a situation (like a flu in our home or something), if I decide to intervene with my flesh and shortcut His intervention with medicine, it always brings confusion to my understanding of healing and how it works, or in what settings it works most certainly.
Then the Lord showed me something simple but true: from Isaiah, His ways are higher than our ways, and his thoughts higher than our thoughts.  When I try to grasp something from the supernatural realm, (His ways) with my natural thoughts (my thoughts), its not going to make sense.  It’s like trying to answer a math test with Spanish history. They’re on two totally different planes.  If I try to reason within my own thinking and understanding about His Ways of healing , it will always be confusing to me because my own simple thoughts don’t grasp his thoughts and his ways unless he reveals and enlightens them to me.
So, I said, “Alright Lord.  Then, in your words, give me the mind of Christ that I might understand your thoughts and your ways.  Teach me about healing.”
He responded.  “Ok.

… I Love.
… Therefore, I heal.”
I laughed out loud, a baffled laugh.
“Are you kidding me?  That simple?  All this confusion for something that simple?  You must explain, please.  Why is it so confusing to me, then?”
He said, “Because you have put all kinds of stipulations and qualifications on it.  “When”, “how”, “only in these circumstances”… human reasoning trying to regulate My Higher Ways.  Thus, confusion.”

“Ok.  I get that.  Me trying to figure out “when” or “how” healing happens in different setting s like its some formulated thing.   But, what about the “faith” qualifier?  Even Jesus referred to it as “ye of little faith” or the soldier who had “great faith”.  Jesus makes it look like faith is something incremental, or able to be measured, thus it seems to make that the qualifying factor to healing.”
“Jenilee, in anything I do, is it ever about the “thing” being manifested, or is it primarily about your relationship with me?   My goal and priority is not just to see things of the supernatural manifested in the earth, but first and foremost it is to see a people whom I love, love me deeply and truly in return.  All of these “things” I do, like healing, provision, prophetic insight, sharing my secrets, etc, are all just FRUITS of my love.  That is why the gifts of the Spirit always operate more freely in an atmosphere of Love.  Love is what compels me to heal, to provide, to restore, to bring peace.  Faith comes when a person glimpses my love.  When you take your eyes off the “thing” you’re believing for long enough to see Me, my heart of love for you, assurance is immediate that I can and will do what you’re needing.  That assurance in your heart of what you are hoping for is Faith.  (Heb. 11:1) But that assurance won’t come unless you see ME behind it all; unless you see MY HEART in it all.  Unless you see my LOVE, there is no seed for faith.  So, I love, therefore I heal.  And when you can see that its simply because I love that I heal, there is the assurance and faith needed to receive your healing.  I don’t want a bunch of followers who HOPE I’m a certain way (loving, and healing), I want a bunch of Lovers who KNOW I’m that way.  The difference between the two lies in our relationship.  The difference between faith or no faith really truly lies in knowing Me, knowing My Love.  That’s how I’ve designed everything to work.  It all revolves, every single thing in my kingdom, revolves around my people knowing me intimately and personally.  (Daniel 11:32) That’s why I created you.  That’s the context in which all the fruits and gifts of the Spirit will flow: inside a close, personal, intimate relationship where love is the language we speak.  Does this make more sense?”

“Yes, Lord, it does.  So what do I do when I need healing in an area?  How should I respond differently than I always have?”
“Look to Me. Not to the healing.  When people go to a Doctor, they feel assured that they will be fine if they know the Doctor is intelligent, intuitive, and has their best interests at heart.  If they are confident in their doctor, they believe in their hearts that they will be well.  Same thing.  When you are in need of a healing, keep your eyes lifted to Me, and my Love for you.  I Am the Source.  And as you glimpse my Love, an undeniable assurance will settle into your heart that you have what you ask of me.  And you will!  (Mark 11:24) If you begin to doubt, simply lift your gaze back to me.(Ps. 30:2)  Look at me and don’t look away until you see my love and that assurance has returned to your heart.  The assurance makes way for thanksgiving.  “Thank you” is what you say when you’re receiving something.  It’s as simple as that.
“Hmm.  Ok Lord.  Is there anything else?  Is it truly that simple?  So every time I haven’t seen a healing take place, its because I wasn’t realizing your love?”
Rather, think about every time you HAVE seen healing take place.  In every instance, you knew my love and rested in it.  That “resting in my love” gave Me room to move and heal.   Many people “wait patiently” but they aren’t really resting in me.  Anxiously biding the time to see something happen isn’t resting.  Resting happens when you know I’m the only one that holds what you need, and you know I’ve got your back.  Resting happens when you’ve seen my love and know that you are in a safe place, completely needing me.  A safe place of perfect Love.”

“Hmm… Well, Lord, you’ve given me plenty to think on.  I love how your ways, as high as they are, are so simple.  Simple enough for a child.”  I smiled.
He smiled too.
“Exactly.  Do you know why a child’s faith is so great?  Because their love is so pure.  They love freely and greatly, and they understand my Pure Love.  The older people get, they struggle with faith because they really struggle with the concept of “pure love”.  They have encountered so many pains and wounds in life that it weakens their belief in Pure love’s existence.  They struggle to trust me, because they struggle to rest vulnerable in my love.  Thus, faith is a challenge for them.  But, if you can throw yourself into me, into my Love, receiving my Love, seeing my love, basking in and trusting my love, your faith will be great!”
“Wow.  Thank you Holy Spirit, for teaching me, just as I asked you to.  Thank you for revealing your secrets to me.  I sure love you Lord.  Open my eyes to see your Love in great and wonderful ways; in small and simple ways.  Good night, father. “
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