inner stirrings, outer changes

by Jenilee Samuel on Monday, February 6, 2012 at 12:12am

I love when I can tell the Lord is setting me up for some deep, life changing revelation that takes weeks and months to unfold and transform the way I think.  Its that kind of “revelation” that is not just a quick fresh glimpse, but deep and paradigm-shifting that truly changes me at the core.  I have been feeling and seeing that pattern at work in my heart again in regard to walking in signs and wonders.  Have I seen miracles happen through me?  Sure.  Was it awesome? Definitely.  Is it a regular thing that I have a full understanding and grasp of?  Certainly not.  do I want it to be?  Absolutely.

Being my fourth pregnancy, and in effect what will be my fourth home-birth too, I always turn my attention to the Lord for  a Word from him, for insight from scripture, something to hold onto to carry me through the delivery process in faith and confidence, always wanting to possess yet more of the land that is mine in what has been referred to as “supernatural childbirth”.   With each birth I have come into some fresh revelation, and many times revelation upon revelation, through scripture and the Holy spirit teaching me his heart and what scripture says about various principles that can be applied not just to childbirth, but everything really.  And of course healing is wrapped up tightly in that as well.  We saw miracles that spared both my life and other complications in my first delivery… God was so faithful and has been in various ways with each birth.

Anyways, so being my fourth, honestly I feel like I’ve had less and less time to spend pondering the word and the Lord about delivery with each child I have, but the Lord is so faithful to bring things to my attention.  This time, he’s had me pondering the Garden of Eden and his original design for mankind.  The Garden was a place of peace, life, love, wholeness, and the manifestation of his full glory and goodness CONSTANTLY… and smack in the center of that was the command to “be  fruitful and multiply”.  Wow.  His original design for bearing life was in the context of perfect goodness and bliss… not torment and trauma like its perceived so commonly.  So this thought has had me really meditating on what that might have looked like since the only thing we see in the garden that describes childbirth is when the Father pronounces the curse on Adam and Eve after the fall, and curses eve with pain in childbearing.  And of course its no new concept that since I’ve taken up Christ as my Savior, I’ve been delivered from the effects of the curse, but many times, that’s more in theory in my life than in my reality.  Sadly.  But I want to see it my reality.  If its there for me, I want it.  So, the Lord has been keeping and carrying this thought in my heart about his original design and the perfection of it, and that He, as a Redeemer, intends to redeem what was stolen and broken by the fall.  Exciting.  Still don’t know what that looks like on a practical level necessarily, but exciting to meditate on.  Although, let that not take away from the fact that every single one of my births has been supernatural in various ways.  My doctor loves to hear the stories when we bring the new baby in for his first checkup.  🙂  But somehow in my heart, I know there’s still more to see and touch in God’s orginal plan.    Then I start reading this book by Bill Johnson “the supernatural power of a transformed Mind” which is built on the premise of establishing Heaven on earth: “your will be done on earth AS IT IS in heaven.”  Which requires we SEE heaven.  Understand how heaven operates.  When the Lord reminded me of a dream I had over a year ago, I felt even more “set up” for this revelation he is unfolding to me…

I had been struggling with three specific areas of health in my body at that time.  Don’t remember now what it was, but it was three.  I had been praying about them and asking the Lord how to deal with them; natural remedies, doctor visit, take authority over something spiritually, etc.  gotta know the root if you’re going to effectively deal with something.  Well, after prayin for a few days with little insight, the Lord finally gave me a dream.  In it, Pastor Monty was talking to me and said to me, “Jenilee, I see you dealing with some health issues in your body.  And I see you handling it like this: I see you lifting your head up, above the clouds, peering up into heaven.  You look around, you see what heaven looks like, and you come back down to earth and command things to line up  with what you saw.  That’s how you need to handle these things.”  When I awoke, I was like, “ok.”  So, I spent some time praying, saw my body whole and complete as it would be in heaven, prayed and the Lord handled everything.  Somehow, that dream makes more sense now, with the things the Lord is stirring in my heart, than it did even then.

The Lord is doing a deep, transforming revelation change in my heart, and I’m excited.  Then today, Worship Pastor Brent was teaching on much of what Bill Johnson covers in this book and what caught me was when he said that in a particular scripture he read, the word for “Salvation” was “Sozos” (sp??) in the Greek, which meant “the forgiveness of sins, the healing of disease, and deliverance from torment”.  Perfect health in spirit, soul and body.  Then I got to wondering, why do we so readily accept salvation, and even commonly accept the healing of the Lord to our emotional wounds, yet physical healing we are so confused about.  Probably, for starters, because physical healing can be so black and white.  If the pain/cripple is gone, you’ve been healed.  Inner salvation, and inner emotional healing are more vague and less tangible and for that reason, probably easier to believe for because they are not so “pass or fail” .  But then I got to thinking about believers and how many of us (including myself) grow discouraged to pray for healing because of all the times we haven’t seen it, and I thought, “Does everyone I share the gospel with get saved?  No.  Does everyone I pray emotional healing or emotional deliverance over see transformation immediately?  No.  Does everyone I lay hands on see a miraculous transformation.  No.  Does that mean I stop sharing the gospel?  No.  Does that mean I stop believing that God can heal and restore broken hearts?  Definitely not!  Then do I have an excuse to stop praying for healing when I know my God can heal?  No.”

Here is what I believe is the key.  Jesus set an example for us, and everyone he prayed for got healed, and that often is what discourages believers.  If Jesus could do it, shouldn’t I be able to?  Yes.  So somethin must be wrong with me if everyone I pray for isn’t getting healed.  No, here is the other half of the picture:  Jesus was ALWAYS SPIRIT LED!!  He even says in scripture that he did NOTHING on his own accord, but ONLY did what the father in heaven did or said.  Hmm… am I ALWAYS spirit led?  uh, no.  Well, there’s your missing piece!  Jesus had totally died to his own agenda in order to take up his father’s.  When we are listening to the leading of the Father, to pray how he says to pray, to pray for whom he says to pray for, to pray WHEN he says to pray, all of it is about his leading.  Ecclesiastes says in chapter 8 that to everythign there is a way and a timing.  Not just what to do, but when to do it.  Scripture also talks about how the earth is groaning, awaiting the sons of God to be revealed.  They want to see people who move in power!  Well, Romans 8 also says that those who are “sons of God are LED by the Spirit of God.”   Zechariah says that “this is the Word of the Lord …: Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit.”   You see, the only way to walk in the power of God, in signs wonders and miracles is to be led by his Spirit.  God designed EVERYTHING in the christian faith to revolve around this principle because of one thing: it requires INTIMACY with him to be led by him in every facet of our lives.  Everything the Lord asks of us or lays before us to walk in the fullness of him will ALWAYS bring us back to the necessity of intimacy, because that is what we, as mankind were born out of! His desire for intimacy, loving relationships, with someone who would love him back.  Its THAT simple.  His longing for love and intimacy with us, fuels the very design for success as a believer.  There is no way to walk in signs and wonders on a simple, but regular basis without intimacy.  The goal isn’t signs and wonders.  the goal is an intimacy with him whichproduces the  manifestation of his love to his children THROUGH signs and wonders.  


So, given all these thoughts, I am still pondering this last birth of mine, looking ahead to it, carrying a promise in my heart that he gave me for this one as he gives me for each one, and continuing to meditate on these principles he is stirring in my heart. I’m remembering all the supernatural ways he has touched each birth and asking him what he has in store for this one.  I have an excited anticipation in my heart because as the Lord gives me a piece at a time of this revelation, it goes deeper and deeper, and I know will leave me different, and prayerfully, not just bearing more fruit in him, but knowing him more.  If there is more “promised land” to possess in my life, be it in regard to childbirth or anything else, I want to possess it.  So Holy spirit, continue to be my teacher, leading me into all truth as you have promised.  🙂  Thank you for your faithfulness to your Word… and your insatiable hunger to know us more deeply than we know you now.

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